Match Review: Hibernians FC vs SCC Firsts

• GK Joseph Storrar
• DF Nick Edwards
• DF Joe Poulton
• MD Andrew Knott
• MD Julio Vasquez
• -- Farhan Mahmood
• -- Fred Boissieras
• -- Paul Gill
• -- Guillaume Ridoux
• -- Thorin Duffin
• -- Niko Rieder

• -- Clement Chamette
• -- Jerome Delcasso
• -- Ben Raper

BFFs

SCC gave us beer!!! Finally they speak our language and earn our respect. SCC looked like they had turned up for a team photo and assembled on the bench pitch-side for their media/sensitivity training while Hibs waited for the kit to arrive. Anyway, read the SCC report if you want results of the training. Hibs put in a solid performance here and even had them a little bit worried at one point. SCC had a lot of possession in front of a solid Hibs formation, but it wasn’t until just before half-time that an exquisite far post header beat Joe all ends up. Hibs had 9 midfielders and no recognised strikers available for the game and it showed with our shooting, but Hibs stayed patient and defended well for long periods. Hibs were undone by a another superb finish across goal that clipped the inside of the post and nestled. It was good to see one of our own come on for the champions and Hibs brought on fresh legs in midfield. SCC were caught on the break and a clever foul halted the chance. Up stepped Gilly to fire a free-kick goal-wards and the kind deflection saw the ball hit the back of the net. SCC kept the home side at arms length for the last 15 minutes apart from one scramble and there were no more goals. MoM goes to Gilly for an assured performance at centre-back and his assist for the goal. MoM for SCC goes to anything but Plain Ross for his excellent goal that ended up winning the game. Cheers to SCC for the beers and a good game.

• Martin Lavoo GK
• Jahan Rezai DF
• Anthony Garreau MD
• Matt Hulen MD
• Tim Walter MD
• Matt Zatto MD
• Jamie Roberts MD
• Ross Plain MD
• Mike Hemmingway --
• Jack Cullinane --
• Adam Bowden --

• Ronnie Smollett GK
• Sawyer Masuoka --
• Ben King --
• Dom Lane --

Can it really be true that "no one likes the SCC"?

With 7 points required to seal the championship and a run of challenging games ahead of us, the Colonial Melts (aka Singapore Cricket Club, Football First XI) knew a win against the Hibernians was vital. Fresh from a pre-match video review session in the new Video Analysis Laboratory at the much vaunted SCC Performance Development Hub (actually we watched some grainy YouTube videos over a dodgy internet connection from a dank meeting room in the bowels of a rather grubby old building), much of the squad assembled comfortably prior to the advertised meeting time of 1600 hours. A few players noted that they would need to leave early (“I am a guest at a wedding” said one and “I am going to see a man about a play about a dog” yelped another); a couple more informed the manager that they would be arriving late (“I have work” and “I’m going to be arriving late” were their imaginative excuses) and one failed to turn up altogether (“I said I’d come, but actually... I won’t”). Match day attire was largely on-fleek. The main exception was Matt Zatto who donned a seemingly Pablo Escobar (or was it a Helmer “Pacho” Herrera) inspired ensemble procured during his recent sojourns in the (former) Viceroyalty of New Gibraltar (that’s a holiday in Columbia to anyone who is not called Dom Lane). Fines also to Mike Hemingway, Matt Hulen and Ross Plain for improper match day attire. Surprisingly Ross was seen at Brewerkz later the same evening sporting an absolutely flawless interpretation of the SCC match day attire. $5 in the kitty nonetheless. Unperturbed by these irregularities the pre-match briefing began 1 minute ahead of schedule at 16:14 with the manager clearly articulating the 3 main tactical points for the challenge ahead: 1) Start in a 4-3-3 but in possession seek to transition to a 2-3-5 as the full backs advance and overlap; but - at times - form a 2-4-4 as the full backs advance and invert and on occasions seek to form a 2-2-6 as both full backs and #10 look to get ahead of the ball. But be ready to transition to a 4-2-3-1 when we are out of possession (similarly morphing to a 2-3-5 or 2-2-6 with the ball) should they have an extra man in midfield. Also note that we may also switch to a 4-4-2 (with high wingers providing inherent optionality on a 4-2-4 or a 4-1-1-4) should we need to. But all costs avoid failing into a 4-1-4-1 unless of course the opponent triggers the necessity of a 4-1-4-1 by deploying defenders zonally during transitions. 2) Attack them in wide areas but as you do so look for space in the inside channels, but don’t be too narrow because it’s a big pitch and we can find a lot of space out wide so use the wide areas to full effect but don’t cross from wide areas because it’s a big pitch so only cross from inside channels but don’t be too narrow and make full use of the wide areas because it’s a big pitch. 3) Prioritise ball retention but be direct. Focus on keeping the ball but also be direct but don’t be too direct as we want to keep the ball. So keep the ball as the main ethos of our play but make sure we are direct at all times. The team left the pre-match briefing with complete clarity of the approach to the match. The manager sat quietly regretting that he had neglected to make more use the terms “the half space” and “the half spaces” during the pre-match briefing. The game kicked off 2 minutes ahead of schedule at 1658 hours and Hibernians started in a sprightly manner, testing the ball boys with some rasping efforts from distance. The game soon settled into a pattern that would last for the duration of the first half: SCC dominated possession and created some decent chances yet failed to threaten the Hibernians goal. This all changed in the final minutes of the first half. An inviting cross from Jamie Roberts deep in the right half space beat the defence and was met with aplomb by the freshly fortified follicles atop the head of Matt Zatto advancing from the left half space. 1-0 to SCC at half time. The second half saw Hibernians push a little higher and this afforded SCC with a little more room to play. The second goal was soon to come. Just 10 minutes after the restart, collecting the ball deep in the left-side wide space, seasoned central defender and aspiring striker, Mike Hemmingway, turned his man and advanced through the half space and into the centre space finding Jack Cullinane with a diagonal ball as Jack entered the right-side half space from the right outside space. A neat through ball to Ross Plain (entering the right-side half space with a diagonal run from high in the centre space) was the only invitation Ro$$c0e needed to unleash a pinpoint drive into the bottom corner evading the despairing dive of the hapless Hibernian’s goalie. But, if the SCC thought they were in for a regulation win they couldn’t have been more wrong. Energized to get back into the game, Hibernians hit SCC on the break and forced a last ditch rugby tackle from SCC Skipper and TOTD Anthony Garreau as he attempted to halt the Hib’s striker’s progress toward the goal (Serge Blanco would have been quite proud). The resulting free kick was met by a glancing defensive header from Swiss Albino Euro Deep House Trance Music Aficionado, Tim “DJ Titan” Walter. Unsurprisingly, the ball avoided the efforts of our short-sighted and glaucoma inflicted goalkeeper, Ronnie Smollett, and put Hibs back in the game at 2-1. Sniffing the wafting scent of a result, the Hibs pressed forward and only some last ditch defensive tackles prevented Hibs from leveling via a goalmouth scramble. SCC regained composure and created a few more chances but failed to extend their lead. The addition of the sturdy frame of Dom Lane to the heart of the midfield helped SCC see out the game for 2-1 win and vital 3-points. All in all, a good day for the SCC. Thank you Hibernians for a competitive yet fairly contested game. Around 10 of the SCC players adjourned to Brewerkz for post match refreshments. We would have gone to the SCC but couldn’t because the six-week ban that was imposed on Andrew Hutcheon 9 weeks ago still has 2 weeks to run and poor Hutcho wouldn’t have been able to attend. Hutcho decided to snub his teammate’s efforts to accommodate him anyway and stayed at home. After watching all 8 of the night’s premier league games, the night finally ended with an impromptu top 10 lists quiz featuring (among other topics) the top 10 richest men in the world; the 10 countries with most breast implants per capita and the top 10 countries with the most albinos per capita. There will be no prizes for guessing who won the quiz. (Editor’s note: The player known as DJ Titan won the quiz.) As I close, it is with great gloom that we have read the claim from the match report of another Cosmo league team that shall remain nameless (The Casuals) that “no one likes the SCC”. We find this both stunningly surprising and deeply disconcerting. Surprising, because we think we at the SCC are an absolutely adorable bunch of young gentlemen. I, for one, absolutely love myself. I love my teammates almost as much. And, I’m quietly confident that they (well, at least those that play regularly) love me too. Disconcerting, because not only are we highly likable, we very openly like all of the other teams in the Cosmo league and count them as our dear friends. Whilst one shouldn’t have a favourite we must admit that we like the Casuals best. Especially, we think their match reports are rather funny. In any case, in an effort to make other teams like - or at the very least begrudgingly tolerate - us, henceforth we’ll be providing a gift of 12 cans of Tiger Beer to every team we play. We hope that our friends from The Hibs - the first team to receive said gift - will find it deeply and genuinely within their hearts to say that they like us when they write their match report. This request is made with absolutely no reference to an implicit moral obligation linked to how much they enjoyed the 12 free cans of ice cold Tiger beer that were gifted to them by the SCC. And finally, we must protest at the use of the term ‘Colonial Melts’ which has been used by another team as a pseudonym for the The Football First Team of the Singapore Cricket Club. We find this deeply offensive. Melts we might be. Colonials, we’re most certainly not! We find comparisons of the current SCC team to people living a privileged existence to be deeply offensive and politely ask that teams cease and desist from such derogatory accusations. (Note to SCC players : With no game on Saturday, we’ve arranged to participate in the charity polo match taking place on the lawns of the Ambassador’s residence; details shall be forthcoming. On Tuesday night we shall have gin cocktails and canapés on the verandah of the Cricket Club as we welcome Lord Marlborough, Chief Commissary of the British East India Company who is visiting Singapore. Lord Marlborough’s steamboat docks at 5pm so please convene at the clubhouse for 4:40 pm sharp. Training will be postponed until Thursday where will join the Singapore branch of the Hash House Harriers to chase a hare through the jungles of Bukit Timah. Carriages will be provided and shall leave the Cricket Club at 6pm. Tally Ho!)