Match Review: SCC Firsts vs Casuals FC

• GK Ronnie Smollett
• DF Jahan Rezai
• MD Matt Hulen
• MD Jamie Roberts
• MD Ross Plain
• MD Anthony Garreau
• ST Liam Shotton
• -- Dominic O'Shea
• -- Mike Hemmingway
• -- Dom Lane
• -- Kike Perconig

• MD Matt Zatto
• -- Paulin Mbaye
• -- Jack Cullinane

El Classico no more...

“When did the Roman Empire end?” This is a question that many history scholars have sought the answer to. In fact, each Saturday, it’s also a common pre-match SCC Firsts’ debate. Heated exchanges frequently break out, whilst competing with the dulcet tones of DJ Titan’s timeless summer beats. Zatto would have you believe it was the Crisis of the Third Century on 24th March in 406. Meanwhile Jack Cullinane is certain it was in 476, when the Visigoths came calling. Personally, I’m ready to put money on it being 480 with the death of Julius Nepos also on 24th March (Julian calendar). The real point however, is that finding the precise time of when something ceases to exist can challenge even the most learned of minds. Fortunately, Saturday 24th March 2018 will offer no such debate. Saturday 24th March (Gregorian calendar) will go down, as the day the SCC vs Casuals match lost its El Classico status. This was not just the sun finally setting on a fallen footballing empire, from yesteryear, this was time being called on the SCC vs Casuals Cosmo fixture, as a true footballing contest. So, how did it come to this? As the game kicked off it soon became apparent that, despite the absence of numerous star players, the SCC were very much in the mood. Great interplay from Matt Hulen, Liam and Dom O’Shea set the scene. Meanwhile Rosscoe was a constant menace down one flank whilst Kike “now you will pay” Perconig, was causing all sorts of problems for the Casuals down the left. Hell hath no fury like a jilted El Niño. The first SCC goal finally came after approximately 10 minutes. Jamie Roberts starting and finishing a wonderful move, with great aplomb. 1-0. The SCC then put their foot on the throttle as the goals flooded in. El Niño, sporting some crisp white boxer shorts, then pounced to make it 2. The effervescent Matty Hulen rasped in a dipping ‘goalstrike’ from the edge of the box to make it 3-0, before Liam decided to chalk up his first and second goals of the afternoon. The first half finished, 5-0 to the SCC. The Casuals. A team that could once boast a sparkling spine of steel, in Starr, Webster, Abel, Butler, Mooney and Bennett . Now reduced to a rusting mess configured with a portly Karl Pilkington lookalike and a captain, grappling so hard with the concept of sportsmanship that only the Australian cricket team’s ethics committee could approve of him. Or possibly a Cosmo League referee… The SCC kicked off the second half and finally the Casuals decided to turn up. Cosmo stalwart Greg Ryan, rolling back the years with some solid tackling at the back, however despite his individual efforts, it was too little too late. Apart from a brief interlude, when the SCC defensive midfield resembled a scene from the Benny Hill show, the SCC continued to attack and score freely. Expat wives’ favourite, Dom O’Shea peeled away at the back post to cushion down an El Niño cross, before unleashing a swiveling volley for number 6 (six). Part-time-striker, and full-time defender, Mike Hemmingway then delivered his own version of #MeToo and careered in for a ‘headstrike’, from a beautifully delivered Matty Hulen corner, for goal number 7 (seven). Matty then decided to get on the score sheet again. This time slotting in from inside the box with his trademark equanimity. 8-0 (eight nil). As the clocked raced down Zatto’s “Marcha Real” down the fringes of Dempsey, reminded us all that it was not just his fashion sense that we had been missing. At the business end of the season every team needs a ‘Closer’ and Matt Zatto, fresh from his autumnal sojourn in the Viceroyalty of New Granada, is most definitely that man. Sensing the match was finally coming to a close he calmly fed Liam the ball, who saved his best until last. Desperate to add a misshapen Mitre to his collection of matchday balls, he deftly skipped past 4 Casuals’ desperate lunges, before rounding the keeper and nonchalantly tucking away the 9th (ninth) unanswered goal of the afternoon. Chapeau Liam. With the mercy kill final delivered the referee blew the final whistle. Whilst most of the clinical football was played in the final third of the opponents’ half, a special mention should still go to Ronnie, who muddied his knees for one important save towards the end. Meanwhile Jahan, Anthony and Mikey were calmness personified at the back, not least when Jahan was blindsided by a Casual’s player shoulder charge. There are other ways to contest a thrown in when you are losing 7-0. The post-match drinks ended with Matt Hulen getting MoM (with special mentions to Jamie and Liam) whilst Rosscoe secured TOTD. Discussions then promptly returned to other historical events that had occurred on the 24th March, including, but not limited to… the sacking of Damascus by Turco-Mongol emperor Timur in 1401 (24th March), the death of Elizabeth I in 1603 (24th March), the French defeat to the Chinese at the Battle of Bang Bo in 1885 (24th March) and of course the allied prisoner escape from Stalag Luft III in 1944 (aka the Great Escape) also the 24th March. In closing, all of the SCC wish the Casuals keeper a speedy recovery. Despite the score line he deserves immense credit for playing on with a serious injury. Thanks to all involved. Next up, Hibs away.

• Sander Saurajen GK
• David Phelps DF
• Greg Ryan DF
• Jack Harris DF
• Kevin Wagner MD
• Andy Dyne MD
• Marc Siegfried MD
• David Hitchen MD
• Andy Woodbridge ST
• Oliver Stultz --
• Cameron Murray --

• Rich Simmonds MD
• Andy Gillespie MD
• Josh Brimblecombe MD
• Joe Cadden ST

One to forget

Nine (9) – Nil (0) Some stats about #9 – revered in Hinduism and considered complete, perfected and divine which SCC are…they are perfect, the colonials hangover continues in a perfect and divine state. More interestingly, in the bible (and google) the number 9 is the finality of the judgement, it’s when at the number 9 the judgement of a person(s) work is acknowledged – see Colonial report for their match report which highlights their views on Casuals performance, history, players appearance and quite rightly their own in-house loving. To the match, with a number of players out Casuals were always going to face a tough task against the sheer god enhanced might of SCC – they were quite fantastic first half….they really were. Some of the play was exceptional and they have the luxury of some very good players (and sport memberships). I forget the goals as there were many – in Japan the #9 is considered unlucky, when its pronounced it sounds like the word “pain” which was rather apt. Nine was also the amount of times SCC players complained per 9 seconds – 4/5 of the colonials would give an aspirin a headache! That said, at casuals we are humble in victory and defeat. The better side won but perhaps the opposite report shows a lack of humility of which most are aware SCC are prone to show. MOM for SCC – SCC MOM Casuals – Sanders