Match Review: Casuals FC vs Gaelic Lions FC

• MD Marc Siegfried
• MD Scott Lambert
• MD Josh Brimblecombe
• MD Steve Janes
• MD Ollie Canning
• ST Andy Woodbridge
• ST Nick Verrill
• -- Phil Clare
• -- Mark Sherwin
• -- Dan Munns
• -- Lewis Davies

• MD Sam Hallam
• MD David Hitchen
• -- Oliver Stultz
• -- Alistair Wood

Not great.

Wednesday nights are usually for training however this week we had the pleasure of hosting the in-form Gaelic Lions. Our pre game ritual was brilliant! Shots from 20 yards…most of which went miles over or wide. Lions on the half of the pitch were essentially going through a pre-season fitness test which apparently is there a warm up…they must have been bricking it seeing us pissing around. Lions not only brought a big squad, ice buckets and drinks but also music!! What music? I know what you’re thinking! U2 right?…nah Boyzone….nope….Westlife…not this week, not even B*Witched or The Corrs! Sacrilege! Honestly, im not even sure they are actually Irish! Anyhow, the half of the pitch we were still looking pretty shite smashing the balls around aimlessly however there was one humorous note when Sherwin turned up with really weird silk elbow pads…he looked like a cheap slutty Hulk Hogan! We obviously made him captain (he asked to be captain). Game time…Pumped! We started as expected, hopeless, lazy and unenthusiastic! Couple of exceptions with slutty hulk, Andy, fried-rice and Munnsy throwing in some tackles and war cries. Scotty put in some work on the unfamiliar left mid. Wasn’t long before we conceded with a cross to the far post and with everyone applauding the cross the striker had an empty net. Can’t remember the 2nd goal but the 3rd goal was a hump over the back and our brave little GK at 4ft 8” came dashing out and the striker dinked it over him, around knee height, in to the empty net. To be fair, we got a little better towards the half and created some half chances and Phil had a glorious chance right at the 45min but couldn’t connect. Phil was then subbed at HT. Chat was fair and honest with the gaffer berating how little we were competing! Steady had that angry silent look, ive seen the look before when he realised that the new Apple phone doesn’t have a camera. 2nd half and we were better, we controlled the middle of the park pretty much most of the game but when you’re up against 2 Irish Usain Bolts as wingers its always tough! Hitchypoo created a couple of half chances and Sam was pushing forward when he could. Can’t remember the 4th but I think the 5th was an OG when Calamity Janes made a great save but took a horrible deflection of AMW II and in it went. Lewis was having a good debut at RB although I feel that he should have told his winger that he probably has an STD from some Granny in Bangkok – the winger might have left him alone…you never know! That was that. Game over. In parts we competed and we had a lot of the ball. In other parts we were diabolical. Well done to the Lions, good side with a lot of pace and massive amounts of work and energy throughout the team! MOM Lions – left winger. MOM Casuals – a few did put a lot effort in. Oli and Munnsy did will as did both LB and RB but Andy gets it this week.

• Rob Church DF
• Wilfried Lapierre DF
• Petesy O'Brien MD
• Anders Jensen --
• Shane Buttimer --
• Brett Bowman --
• Simon Lloyd --
• Brian O'Reilly --
• Ryan McEneaney --
• Darren Murray --
• Seb Santoro --

• Liam McGinley DF
• Matt Heslop --
• Mike Touchy Feeley --
• Neil Corrigan --
• Allan O'Donahue --

Erm, Wednesday Night Lights

The Casuals at UWC Dover is always a massive challenge......... for Willy to find. He normally ends up in UWC Tampines for these tussles but on Wednesday evening he did himself, his family, his salsa dancing partner and the Lions proud by being the very first player to arrive from either team, but such eagerness came at a cost! Willy sat there by himself for a moment in pitch darkness before pinging the group - 'Am i ze first person on ze pitch?!' Poor Willy! Just know, je suis fier de toi! Secondly, the Casuals at UWC Dover is always a massive challenge for another reason......... because you know if they beat to the punch with the match report yer gonna be a bit stuck because the Casuals can write a report! The image of Pistol Petesy O'Brien running away from an STD-ridden full-back is one that will stay with me for quite a while! Maybe this will become a strategy for right backs who are about to come up against him for the rest of the season? A trip to the Towers for an encounter with a gnarly oul wan, you refuse to hood-up and just get stuck in, hoping beyond hope that you come out drippin' like a broken gutter?! GENIUS! Finally, the Casuals at UWC Dover is always a massive challenge for another reason......... because you know you are gonna be in a game and it was testament to the quality and attitude the Lions have displayed so far this season that we achieved the scoreline we did. Still reeling from UrineGate from the week before, our game preparations were interrupted, as whilst talking about UrineGate and how funny (I mean serious) it was, Daz Murray proclaimed 'I had no idea anyone saw me?!'. Now, it is at this point that you may recall the pisser has been identified as one Brian O'Reilly O'Reilly, but as is the way of these things, apparently we have an epidemic. Daz joins O'Reilly in the great pantheon of crime duos, Bonnie and Clyde, Fred and Rose, Ant and Dec and the Chuckle Brothers. It is now not a possibility for Daz to be awarded a MOM under these conditions, which is a shame as he ws definitely in the running on Wednesday (for the sake of this poorly constructed narrative, anyway). A superb first half performance ended up with us going in 3-0 (although, it was very nearly 3-1 after we went for a kip in the last 5 seconds) the highlight being Brett needlessly stealing O’Reilly O’Reilly’s hat-trick away from him as the ball was crossing the line….. heh heh well done Brett, nice one. Second half was what it was, we soaked up some pressure from the Casuals but our fitness and quality on the ball told in the end when we cranked it up a notch or two to bag another couple. A few highlights of the evening included the second appearance for Matt who stepped in to play the entire second half in the centre of the park, doing very well. And then the sight which makes Pennywise staring up at you through a drain look like Sunday brunch in the Shangri-La, the debut of Fearsome Al Donoghue, the human meat lorry who when he loses about 3 stone (to only be 18 stone) will be a great addition to the squad. Good movement, touch and composure on the ball and of course a debut goal. Finally, the return of one Richy Rich Sexton from injury was another great plus to end a rather splendid week. Hurrah! Thanks Casuals, always a pleasure, never a chore. Arrah best.